Tuesday, January 31, 2006

The ghost in the machine.

I'm annoyed.
I was trying to find an answer today. There is a symposium on somewhere soon that I need to go to, I do not know where or when, but I need to attend. So I went hunting online. Its put on by a computer hardware company. I wont say who this two-letter company is but it doensny sound like Whaech Whee. Not at all. So I got onto thier online instant-message style help. Apparently a "live" person. Maybe it was. My first mistake was a mistake by me. I confess. I got confused and called them by another name. Again, not saying who I called them but it certainly wasnt anyone sounding like Why Whee Whem. So the live help said "I'm sorry I can't help". Clever help eh? Discrimenates against compeditors.
I realized my errors and got back on track. I asked my questions. I got responses like "I'm sorry, can you repeat that" and "I think I can help" and "that's good". I got suspicious when some responses were repeated. I was also getting absolutely nowhere. I then asked my questions in a different way. Same thing. I asked her (her name was Veronica) why me ears were alight. "I think I can help". I than shared with her that my knees were hairy, and I collect acorns... "I think I can help". I think Veronica then got annoyed, cos she gave me a phone number to call. a 1-800 number.

Round 2. I followed a bunch of voice prompts and I spoke to V. or was it Vee. She sounded nice. A fine Pune, or perhaps Bombay accent, and a very clean line. Now she done her best. She listened to my questions and suggested I used the live help online. I explained that I was there already, and thay knew nothing of hairy knees or symposiums. Now, Vee was nice and tried her best. Unfortunately, she did not answer my questions. But she did give me a phone number that connected to a US helpdesk. Again a 1-800 number. And then, she connected me. For free!! Such service!!

Round 3. I spoke to an American lady. She sounded like she just got out of bed and needed her cigarette. Now she had NO clue what I was after. "Sim-posin? can ya spelll that pleeese?" Maybe it was my crazeeee aceeent. So I spelled symposium. She asked me to type some url into my computer, which I did. and it did not work. why? she gave me an intranet address. No wonder! You know I think it was some lady who was delivering some ash trays and just picked up the phone. Anway, she said she couldnt help me. So she gave me a 1-800 number. Did she connect me? No, I gues she had just swallowed the phone unit.

Round 4. I got put onto some line that was for ordering parts. Voice activated. So I had enough. I said Lotus. not understandeee. I said muckspreader. not understandeee. I said Cherokee LooLaa. I got asked for the serial number. I sang my ABC. I got asked to repeat.

I had enough. I'm not going to that symposium. It sounds like too much trouble. Perhaps I'll tell my boss it is in Vegas next week. All joking aside, I'll probably learn more in Vegas that from these geniuses.

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